Inconsequential Thoughts – 2

February 5, 2017

I have a confession to make in this space today. I have to get this weight off my chest.

I have taken to walking for a half hour every day in the morning as a part of my exercise routine. I usually have a fixed route everyday. But today, I thought of treading a different path. It was really rejuvenating to see the places that I see almost on a daily basis bathing in the light of the new day. That was when it all went downhill.

I turned into an unexplored road. This was the first time I had even noticed the existence of this path and I was immediately curious to walk across it.

It was extremely beautiful, to tell you the truth. The big trees, the clean road, the fresh air and the warm sunlight.

That was when I saw it following me .

Let me give you a little bit of background info. I have a fear of all animals in general. It thankfully does not tend to paranoia, but I am scared of going too near them. I especially find dogs beautiful albeit from a very safe distance.

I have always wished with all my heart that I did not have this fear.

I know nothing about dogs; forgive my poor description.

The one that was following me was a white one with golden spots. I have no clue about how old it was, but it seemed like a young and agile one. All dogs probably sense my fear and avoid me, but this one was voluntarily walking behind me wagging its tail.

The feature that captivated me the most was its eyes. It had these beautiful, big, brown friendly eyes.

I was petrified. Part of me wanted to run, but I knew that it might make the following worse. Part of me wanted to turn around and pet this beautiful dog but, my fear of being hurt was holding me back. Part of me wanted to walk away as fast as I can and a part of me wanted to overcome my fear.

I chose to do the former. I got away as fast as I could. An extremely cowardly choice, I know. Once I was at a safe distance, I looked back at it. It was starting to walk away. And that’s when guilt overcame fear.

I felt like I had turned away an opportunity to challenge my fear. You know what’s worse? I feel like I have turned away a piece of God Himself.

I can only extend an useless, virtual apology to that piece of God. If he can hear me, I do hope he will understand.

Its eating me from inside. I don’t know what to do. I can’t stop crying now.

Mysuru, Karnataka, India

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